Friday, October 12, 2012

I am clarity & confusion -- poem recited on air 10.8.12

I am clarity & confusion
I am life chasing death
I am delight & depression
I am an oil & water mix, up & down, optimist & pessimist
I am daisy-dancing butterfly-chasing supernatural sunrise agape
I am 45 years of adventure & addiction, fighting gravity & finding grace
I am rainy-day Monday mood-swing into melodramatic misanthropy
I am too much yes & not enough no but give as I go & live anything but slow
I am urban hiking at Cane Creek & Ensor Sink no matter the season
I am recycling & bicycling & hybrid car
I am tossing yesterday’s compost into the yard
I am watching the weeds grow
I am cooking breakfast, foraging dinner, consulting cookbook, chopping garlic for pesto or baba ghanouj
I am hot chili on a cold night
I am the first Thursday in October craving the fallen leaves
I am the feast of St. Francis
I am the first Friday in October watching my friends perform Macbeth in the park
I am the first Saturday in October & the onset of autumn chills
I am the first Sunday in October making blueberry cornmeal pancakes for my baby
I am okay that the Christmas decorations have been out at Hobby Lobby & Goodwill since Labor Day
I am that guy who leaves the little white Christmas lights up all year
I am “Ballerina” by Van Morrison
I am “I Will Wait” by Mumford & Sons even though I hate waiting
I am every U2 song ever released
I am John Lennon, Bono, & Martin Luther King Jr.
I am making mixtapes for a million Monday nights
I am wearing headphones in a crowded room
I am a Yankabilly, adopted southerner, a Midwestern city boy lost in a Tennessee college town
I am not ashamed of loving sports or of my Detroit, Cleveland, Chicago roots
I am repeating “to be” verbs like a broken alarm clock screeching
I am sadly a “to be” verb wishing for action inside the noun of reality
I am asterisk & ampersand
I am period & semicolon
I am catching comma splices for a paycheck
I am teaching not because I know but because I am spilling ink & imagination just to find out
I am insomniac inspiration
I am a morning so early that it meets the end of your night
I am up at 2am when I know I should be slumbering in your arms
I am caffeinated aggravated dilapidated but not sedated
I am afraid of how much I’ll eat when Ben & Jerry’s is on sale at the local Kroger
I am expresso shots not whisky shots
I am Jack Kerouac & Jim Morrison thirsty but abstaining anyway
I am Jimi Hendrix & Kurt Cobain if they’d lived to see recovery
I am not hungover but still remember the faded sweet-sour taste of Pabst Blue Ribbon on my tongue
I am not drinking just for today but the veil between me & intoxication remains forever thin
I am sober but still crazy
I am chillin but not lazy
I am dry but still high on life
I am crying at movies & weeping at concerts
I am Saturday love & Sunday romance
I am Jeannie’s husband never cured of cuddling snuggling forever love
I am writing every poem about Jeannie or Jesus while under the influence of java
I am walking with her, eating with her, dancing with her, sleeping with her
I am cards & chocolate, flowers & poetry
I am the waning of the week
I am the naming of the meek
I am shouting with my smile
I am daring to my knees
I am unafraid but still experience fear
I am still carrying a silent megaphone & an empty sign to the protest at end of the galaxy
I am in the war & against the war that rages in my belly
I am disturbing the peace that pounds in my chest
I am a solar amphibian flopping from lily pad to laser beam 
I am that Jesus Freak ex-hippy who went back-to-the-land
I am Godspell & Jesus Christ Superstar & Hair
I am YouTube concerts by all my favorite bands
I am Almost Famous, We Bought a Zoo, & all six Star Wars installments
I am loving my enemies on my better days
I am wishing the worst in a dry drunk haze
I am peacenik tree hugger yet not vegetarian & also TV-watching omnivore
I am civil rights for all my kin, no exceptions for when even one sister or brother loses nobody wins
I am Catholic Worker but not Catholic
I am Presbyterian but only occasionally Calvinist
I am Buddhist & Jedi & Taoist & Rumi-reading extra-ecumenical
I am “try not—just do”
I am still looking for you
I am right & I am wrong
I am ready for something different
I am satisfied with more of the same
I am loneliest when I am hungry
When I am wanting, I am still filled beyond need
I am Saturday morning sermon-writing
I am Saturday evening rocking-out
I am preaching not because I am saved
I am preaching because the sin didn’t silence me
I am in love with the possibility of impossibility
I am in love with a lost wreath of flowers
I am in love with dancing barefoot in the grass
I am burning suns & setting moons
I am pursuing a peace that passes understanding
I am seeking God in a place called everything
I am softly kissing you on a planet called everywhere

1 comment:

Jessie Daniels said...

"I am preaching because the sin didn’t silence me"-- my favorite. Beautiful, Andy!